I'm Not the Only One
Not the Personal Digital Assistant thingies (am a newly proud owner of a little Dell one) but Public Displays of Affection.
I realise that I'm fairly weird but it really irritates me to see couples swooning over each other in Coast in Dundrum Shopping Centre, for example. Yes, man with spiky hair, your girlfriend looked nice in that white skirt with black patterns, but you didn't have to snog her in front of the mirror while other people (namely me) wanted to see how they looked in a nice black coat (for those of you interested, not nice enough to justify the 400euros).
Also, most people don't lose the capability to use table cutlery to feed themselves when they enter relationships - so you don't need to feed your significant other wilting potato salad in Brambles in Dundrum at 3pm on a Sunday.
And in a general note to the increasing number of people I know personally who read this blog, (even though I'm blogging less) my reluctance to hug you merely stems from an acuter awareness of my entitlement with regard to personal space than most. I don't need to hug you, nor do I need to be hugged/kissed/patted unless I'm crying.
I am therefore very gratified to read the online source of record, the Onion's report on Dave Petrun and Julie DeSimone, "the happiest goddam couple in the whole world"....
Though their initial May 30 joint outing went largely unnoticed, public opinion toward the couple dramatically shifted after it was revealed that DeSimone spooned frozen yogurt into Petrun's mouth during their second date three days later.
By the second week of June, their approval rating dropped below 40 percent in most national polls, after Petrun and DeSimone were spotted wedging their hands into each other's back pockets as they walked through an Oak Park neighborhood. By July, the rating plummeted even further after DeSimone asked Petrun which of her physical attributes he found cutest, and Petrun responded with a detailed list.
According to a Sept. 25 Zogby poll, 36 percent of Americans grimaced when Petrun playfully nudged DeSimone for no evident reason last Thursday, and 45 percent emitted a loud, annoyed sigh after Petrun sent flowers to DeSimone's workplace last Tuesday. One in three Americans characterized the way Petrun touched the small of DeSimone's back as he led her into the backseat of an awaiting taxi on the evening of Sept. 19 as "completely unnecessary."
On Wednesday, support lines across the country were flooded with calls complaining of moderate or intense nausea after DeSimone refused, and then eventually accepted, Petrun's hooded sweatshirt during an evening walk.
Online anti-canoodling blogs, such as the popular davejuliebarf.typepad.com, are buzzing with rumors that Petrun and DeSimone broke into a brief, spontaneous slow dance near a Lake Street fountain on Sept. 20.
Unavailable for comment, Petrun and DeSimone are reportedly making plans to go backpacking across Europe during their six-month anniversary in November, prompting fears that their demonstrativeness could escalate international tensions.
May I add that my singleness has nothing to do with sense of deep empathy I share with those in daily contact with Dave and Julie.